Understanding the Challenges of Fostering Teens
Fostering teenagers comes with its own set of unique challenges. Many people have misconceptions about what it’s like to be a foster parent to teens. They think it’ll be an endless battle of wills, filled with rebellion and attitude. But the truth is, fostering teens isn’t much different than parenting any other teenager.

One of the biggest myths about fostering teenagers is that they’re too old to make a difference in their lives. But as any experienced foster parent will tell you, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Teens in foster care need love, guidance, and stability just as much as younger children. They may be more independent in some ways, but they still crave the security and support of a family.

It’s important to understand that teenage foster youth have unique needs that set them apart from their peers. Many have experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect that has left deep emotional scars. They may struggle with trust issues, mental health challenges, or difficulty forming healthy relationships. As a foster parent, it’s crucial to be patient, understanding, and equipped with the tools to help them heal.

Importance of Support Systems for Foster Teens
One of the most critical things you can do as a foster parent is to help your teen build a strong support system. This may include encouraging relationships with mentors, teachers, or therapists who can provide additional guidance and support. It’s also essential to advocate for your teen’s needs within the child welfare system, ensuring they have access to the resources and services they need to thrive. Remember, you’re not in this alone – there are many people in our organization dedicated to supporting foster families. At Bair, you have a team of experts who are available to you around the clock to support and guide you through the journey of fostering. 

Preparing to Foster a Teenager
So, you’re thinking about fostering a teenager? That’s fantastic. But before you dive in, it’s important to make sure you’re fully prepared for the unique challenges and joys that come with fostering teens.

Creating a Welcoming Home Environment
One of the first things you’ll want to do is create a welcoming home environment that makes your teen feel safe, comfortable, and valued. This may involve setting up a cozy bedroom, stocking the fridge with their favorite snacks, or creating a family photo wall that includes them. It’s also important to establish clear rules and expectations from the start, while still allowing for flexibility and open communication. Remember, your teen may have come from a chaotic or unstable background, so consistency and structure can be incredibly comforting.

One of our foster parents emphasized the importance of encouraging normalcy, “They find so much joy in the little things we often overlook—dinner around the table, having friends over on a Friday night, going to a football or basketball game as a family, or even learning to drive. They love any kind of personalized attention that makes them feel part of the family and like a normal teenager. In group homes or facilities, they often miss out on these experiences, but in a family home, they get to enjoy them. And that’s what makes me happy.”

Setting Realistic Expectations
When fostering a teenager, it’s crucial to set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. Understand that your teen may not open up to you right away, and that building trust takes time. They may test boundaries, struggle in school, or exhibit challenging behaviors as they navigate the complexities of adolescence and the foster care system. It’s important to approach these challenges with patience, empathy, and a willingness to seek help when needed.

Another foster parent added,

“My advice to new foster parents is: don’t sweat the small stuff. Take it one day at a time and let go of minor behaviors—you don’t know the kids’ backgrounds or what might trigger them. I’m not a fan of starting out with a bunch of rules. That’s a common misconception. These kids don’t need rules; they need love. If you show them love and meet their needs, they will thrive.

What you hear about a child on paper doesn’t reflect who they truly are. That information is based on their past, but kids can change. For example, there are a lot of misconceptions about teen boys—they’re often labeled as difficult, but in your home, they can surprise you.”

Building Trust and Open Communication
One of the most important things you can do as a foster parent is to build trust and open communication with your teen. This may involve regularly checking in with them, actively listening to their concerns, and creating a judgment-free space for them to express themselves. It’s also important to be transparent about your role as a foster parent, and to help them maintain connections with their birth family and cultural heritage when possible. By fostering a sense of openness and honesty, you’ll lay the foundation for a strong, supportive relationship.

Navigating the Role of a Foster Parent
As a foster parent, you’ll wear many hats – from caregiver and advocate to mentor and role model. It’s important to understand the unique responsibilities and challenges that come with this role, and to seek support and training when needed. This may involve working closely with social workers, attending support groups for foster parents, or accessing resources through local foster care agencies. Remember, fostering a teenager is a team effort, and you don’t have to do it alone.

A foster parent has this to say, “Working with biological parents can be challenging. Some aren’t in a place to regain custody, but others are working hard toward that goal. We try to support them as much as possible by involving them in important moments—school shopping, first dances, sharing pictures, phone calls, and video calls. It’s important to understand their story and not assume the worst, as some parents truly want to reunite with their kids.

It’s heartbreaking when the kids leave, but that’s part of the job—letting go and trusting their future may be brighter, even if it’s not with us.”

Supporting the Emotional and Mental Well-being of Foster Teens
Foster teens often come from backgrounds of trauma, abuse, or neglect, which can have a profound impact on their emotional and mental well-being. As a foster parent, it’s crucial to be equipped with the knowledge and tools to support your teen’s healing and growth.

Recognizing Signs of Trauma and Emotional Distress
One of the first steps in supporting your foster teen’s emotional well-being is recognizing the signs of trauma and emotional distress. This may include symptoms such as:

• Difficulty sleeping or nightmares
• Anxiety or depression
• Anger or aggression
• Withdrawal or isolation
• Self-harm or suicidal thoughts

If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to seek professional help and support right away. Remember, your teen’s emotional health is just as important as their physical health.

“We couldn’t have done foster care without The Bair Foundation. They provide the support you need and are always there to help you take a step back and breathe when things get tough. 

The Independent Living Program (ILP) for my boys has been incredible, teaching them essential life skills that every kid in care needs.

There are so many kids out there who need foster parents—good kids in bad situations. There’s no such thing as a bad kid; it’s just what life has put them through. If you’re in a position to help, even for a weekend or respite care, it can make all the difference.”

Encouraging Therapy and Counseling
One of the most effective ways to support your foster teen’s emotional well-being is to encourage them to participate in therapy or counseling. This may involve individual sessions with a licensed therapist, group therapy with other foster youth, or family therapy sessions that include you and other members of the household. Therapy can provide a safe, confidential space for your teen to process their experiences, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and build resilience. It’s important to approach the topic of therapy with sensitivity and respect, and to let your teen know that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Promoting Healthy Coping Mechanisms
In addition to therapy, there are many other ways you can promote healthy coping mechanisms for your foster teen. This may include:

• Encouraging regular exercise and physical activity
• Teaching mindfulness and relaxation techniques
• Providing opportunities for creative expression, such as art or music
• Helping them develop a strong support network of friends and mentors
• Modeling healthy stress management and self-care practices

By promoting healthy coping mechanisms, you’ll help your teen build resilience and develop the tools they need to navigate life’s challenges.

Building Self-Esteem and Confidence
Many foster teens struggle with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence, often as a result of their past experiences. As a foster parent, you have the opportunity to help build your teen’s sense of self-worth and empowerment. This may involve praising their strengths and accomplishments, encouraging them to pursue their passions and interests, and helping them set and achieve personal goals. It’s also important to provide a safe, non-judgmental space for them to express themselves and their feelings. Remember, building self-esteem and confidence is a process, and it may take time and patience. But by consistently showing your teen that they are valued, capable, and deserving of love and respect, you’ll help them develop a strong sense of self that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Helping Foster Teens Maintain Family Connections
For many foster teens, maintaining connections with their birth family and cultural heritage is an important part of their identity and well-being. As a foster parent, it’s crucial to support these connections whenever possible, while also prioritizing your teen’s safety and emotional needs.

Understanding the Importance of Family Ties
It’s important to understand that, even if a teen has been removed from their birth family’s care, those family ties can still hold significant emotional importance. Your teen may feel a strong sense of loyalty or attachment to their birth parents, siblings, or extended family members. As a foster parent, it’s important to approach these relationships with sensitivity and respect, and to recognize that your teen’s feelings about their birth family may be complex and evolving. By validating their emotions and experiences, you can help them navigate these relationships in a healthy way.

Facilitating Visitation and Contact
Whenever possible and appropriate, it’s important to facilitate visitation and contact between your foster teen and their birth family. This may involve coordinating with social workers to arrange supervised visits, phone calls, or video chats. It’s important to approach these interactions with an open mind and a willingness to support your teen’s needs. This may involve helping them process their feelings before and after visits, or advocating for their rights and preferences within the child welfare system. Your Bair caseworker can help you navigate visitations and contact with biological families and can help guide you.

Supporting Reunification Efforts When Possible
In some cases, the ultimate goal of the foster care system is to reunite children with their birth families whenever it is safe and appropriate to do so. As a foster parent, it’s important to support these reunification efforts whenever possible. This may involve working closely with our social workers and other professionals to ensure that your teen’s birth family is receiving the support and resources they need to provide a safe and stable home environment. It may also involve helping your teen prepare for the transition back to their birth family’s care, and providing ongoing support and guidance as needed. Bair places a high value on training and supporting foster families to utilize all the resources available to help with any transitions in a teen’s life.

Navigating Complex Family Dynamics
Of course, not all family relationships are healthy or straightforward, and foster teens may have complex or challenging dynamics with their birth families. As a foster parent, it’s important to be prepared to navigate these dynamics with sensitivity and skill. This may involve setting clear boundaries around contact and visitation, advocating for your teen’s safety and well-being, and seeking professional support and guidance when needed. Remember, your role is to prioritize your teen’s best interests, while also respecting their family ties and cultural heritage whenever possible.

Preparing Foster Teens for Adulthood and Independence
As foster teens approach adulthood, it’s crucial to help them develop the skills and resources they need to navigate the transition to independence successfully. This may involve a range of supports and interventions, from teaching practical life skills to helping them access higher education and career opportunities.

Teaching Essential Life Skills
One of the most important things you can do as a foster parent is to help your teen develop essential life skills that will serve them well in adulthood. This may include:

• Budgeting and financial management
• Cooking and nutrition
• Household maintenance and cleaning
• Time management and organizational skills
• Interpersonal communication and conflict resolution

By teaching these skills in a supportive and hands-on way, you’ll help your teen build confidence and self-sufficiency as they prepare to navigate the world on their own.

Encouraging Educational Pursuits
Education is a key factor in long-term success and stability, and it’s important to encourage your foster teen to pursue their academic goals. This may involve:

• Helping them explore their interests and passions
• Providing support and resources for studying and homework
• Advocating for their educational needs within the school system
• Assisting with college applications and financial aid
• Celebrating their achievements and milestones

Remember, every teen has unique strengths and challenges when it comes to education, and it’s important to approach their learning with patience, flexibility, and a willingness to adapt to their individual needs.

Exploring Career Opportunities
As your foster teen approaches adulthood, it’s important to help them explore potential career paths and develop the skills and experience they need to succeed in the workforce. This may involve:

• Helping them identify their strengths, interests, and values
• Connecting them with internships, apprenticeships, or job shadowing opportunities
• Assisting with job applications and interview preparation
• Providing guidance on professional communication and workplace etiquette
• Celebrating their successes and supporting them through challenges

By helping your teen explore a range of career options and build relevant skills, you’ll set them up for long-term success and fulfillment in the workforce.

Finding Support as a Foster Parent of Teens
Fostering a teenager can be a rewarding but challenging experience, and it’s essential to have a strong support system in place to help you navigate the ups and downs of the journey. Luckily, when you partner with Bair, you get options.

“Going from an agency with no support groups, no monthly meetings, and no regular check-ins, to being with Bair, where there are even monthly Zoom meetings to check in—just to say, ‘Hey, is everybody doing okay? Does anyone have questions or need advice?’—it makes all the difference.

It’s truly invaluable to know that you’re part of a village. You’re not doing this alone.

I’ve been in situations where I felt completely on my own, and it’s scary. You don’t know who to trust or where to turn. But when you have a whole community that’s always there, it changes everything. You start to get to know people—seeing them on Zoom calls, meeting them at events—and they become your best friends, your extended family. You meet up for play dates with your kids, and it just feels like home.” Here are some other ways to find support and resources as a foster parent of teens. 

Joining Foster Parent Support Groups

Join one of our support groups! You’ll share experiences and challenges with others who understand, get advice and guidance from seasoned foster parents, learn about other local resources and support services, and most importantly, build a sense of community and camaraderie with other foster families!

We also offer respite care service. When foster parents need a break from the demands of caregiving. This short-term care can be provided by licensed foster parents or professional caregivers, and can range from a few hours to a few days or weeks. Utilizing respite care can help you:

• Recharge and practice self-care 
• Attend to personal or family needs 
• Provide a break for your foster teen and other family members 
• Prevent burnout and maintain a healthy, sustainable level of caregiving

Additional Training and Resources
The Bair Foundation offers training each month to help foster parents be more prepared for taking on parenting a teenager. It often requires specialized knowledge and skills, and it’s important to seek out to help you meet your teen’s unique needs. This may include: 

• Attending workshops or seminars on trauma-informed care, positive behavior support, or adolescent development 
• Accessing online resources and training modules through foster care organizations or advocacy groups 
• Consulting with mental health professionals or other specialists who work with foster youth 
• Staying up-to-date on best practices and research in the field of foster care

By continually learning and growing as a foster parent, you’ll be better equipped to provide the best possible care and support for your teen.

Maintaining Open Communication with Social Workers
Finally, one of the most important ways to find support as a foster parent is to maintain open and honest communication with your teen’s social worker at Bair and other professionals involved in their treatment team. This may involve: 

• Regularly sharing updates and concerns about your teen’s well-being and progress 
• Asking for help and guidance when facing challenges or obstacles 
• Collaborating on care plans.

Become a Foster Parent with The Bair Foundation
“It’s so rewarding to see how you help mold these children—to influence them, teach them, and be part of their lives. You get to be the stability they’ve never had.

It’s incredibly rewarding. It’s something to be proud of.”

Fostering teens is a journey filled with love, challenges, and incredible rewards. It’s about providing a safe haven for young people who have often faced unimaginable hardships. It’s about being a steady presence in their lives, offering guidance, support, and unconditional acceptance.

Yes, there will be tough days. There will be moments when you question if you’re making a difference. But then you’ll see a glimmer of hope in their eyes, a small victory, a step towards healing – and you’ll know that every ounce of effort was worth it.

So if you’ve ever considered opening your heart and home to a teenager in need, I encourage you to take that leap with the Bair Foundation. Embrace the challenges, revel in the joys, and know that you are giving a young person the greatest gift of all: a chance at a brighter future. Become a foster parent!